Plan B is the new Plan A
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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