Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
