dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize