even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
