you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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