Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm jealous of your bromance
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
