It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
