His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
where am i from again
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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