I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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