Me. At least after what I've been through.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
