I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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