You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
