i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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