Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
