He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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