Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
