Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
