Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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