I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I will pee on everything he values.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
