i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
