Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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