i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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