Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Someone shit on the floor
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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