Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize