You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
