I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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