OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
