Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
