I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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