porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
