Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
