I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
