i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
