I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
