How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize