Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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