Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
