i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize