I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
