I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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