wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i love accidental penises.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
