from now on my penis is your penis
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
