I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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