I love black thongs
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
