i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
