She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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