hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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