I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize