I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
