1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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