I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
