At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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