Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
