I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
