I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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