i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I love having hate sex.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize