If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
