Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
