Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
