I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
