3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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