apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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