If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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