Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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