I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
