quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
