i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize