Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My life is pants optional.
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