YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
