Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
