The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
