God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
