What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
