just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
