Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i think i have two assholes
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
