So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
