thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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