I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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