he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
