My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
