I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
