I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You took a bar mat shot.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
