Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
