What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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