I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
