Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
