i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it's like iHOP with fire
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
a search helicopter?!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Randomize
