I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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