Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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