So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
