I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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