Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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