oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
