Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
