Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
