Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
