Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize