i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
