How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
