problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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