Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
