I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
