i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
