How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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