my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
