watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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