I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
