Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
