I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
