just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Randomize
