Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize