see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
