We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize