I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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