Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
