drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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