i think my tv is drunk
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
