Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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