Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
