i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
